Friday, November 22, 2013

on my desk this week
a birthday infusion
When life jerked me senseless

around Thanksgiving, the only thing I can remember is that I wanted to paint angels.

I didn't really want to paint.
But I really wanted to paint angels.

And so it goes, the chatter in my head that never seems to stop.

I wanted to deep clean this house. That always helps.
But I didn't want to clean this house.

I wanted to start developing a new online class. Any one of my class ideas would be great.
But I didn't want to develop a class.

I wanted to start preparing for the rose garden of my day dreams.
But I didn't want to dig in the dirt.

I wanted to visit friends.
But I didn't want to leave my house.

I use to say, all I really want to do when I retire is be at home. I just wanted to be at home because I had so many day dreams about what I wanted to do if I could just be at home.

Now I was home.
But everything I wanted to do seemed too huge . To much . More than I could handle. Overwhelming.

So, I started painting   angels   through the   month   of December.
Today, I'm thinking I'm ready to start painting angels again.

Note: This is the fourth installment of  How the infusion of San Miguel may have effected me which started November 19th.


15 comments:

  1. Sharon, I went through something very similar!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am beginning to think with so many relating to similar experiences that there is something we are meant to get from it. Which takes me to the everlasting question that plays over and over in my head about everything: what's the point?

      Delete
    2. For me the point is, well death. We are walking toward that place.....as we age. It just becomes more visible then when we were younger. We question more about our lives! I have been there too, and in February my Father died making it so much more real!!

      Delete
    3. When I get manic hold on sister all the projects get goin' some I end up finishing.
      I am house bound because of Post-polio.But I like staying home just being me.But for some reason some days are spent down on the bed. Some call this Bi-poler,some call it artist frenzy,some call it "ride-ing the wild- donkey.sometimes I call it me.Sure get a lot done.I just took up soap making.

      Delete
  2. I go through stretches of time like this in the fall/winter - going through it right now, a topic I continue to journal about in my morning pages. I can see I'm in good company, I feel better knowing others go through it as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, there is comfort in numbers. This is my "morning pages"

      Delete
  3. YEP, RIGHT ON woman! having some of these very same feelings-- just before I retire. i'm telling you again...this is so special and allimportant to get it on paper, there are others swimming this deep blue sea. this helps everyone in mulling over decisions, dreaming and acting on a deeper level. i am still diggin' it and thank you ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you Sharon for this post. It really touched me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Enjoying reading this series very much, Sharon...I can relate to some of this...mid-fifties, so while financially NOT ready to retire...my mind has already been meandering down the same paths.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hang in there Sharon, I'm waiting for tomorrow. Good sleep tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've just read through your posts about San Miguel and it's wonderful for you to share your thought process. Organizing it in a stream of separate posts is such a great idea...especially when a wave of what I call ah-ha moments hits you. It's like letting the rushing waters calm down...standing still with our feet immerged...unable to see with clarity until the water calms...stands still...and then we can see our own feet AND the surface on which they stand...crystal clear.

    I loved the art you made too. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope you post some of your Angels. Your faces are so beautiful.....haunting, really. I miss painting next to you!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sharon, All these emotions are very real to me...you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sharon, All these emotions are very real to me...you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think I retired about the same time you did, and I'm experiencing the same thoughts and feelings. By now, I expected to have my whole house reorganized and clean and have many completed paintings. Unfortunately that didn't happen yet. I'm not giving up, just readjusting my expectations. It will happen when it is supposed to happen, not necessarily when I thought it would.

    ReplyDelete